Does Heaton Moor really exist?

If you drive along the A6 and turn into Heaton Moor Road, you are still in Heaton Chapel. That's the address of the Royal Bank of Scotland, on the corner. Continue, and you pass the local benighted railway station - called Heaton Chapel so far as British Rail is concerned. Carry on, and you pass another bank on the right - Natwest, Heaton Chapel branch. In fact you can continue as far as the Reform Club and still be alongside somewhere with Heaton Chapel in its title.

By the time you reach Moorside Road, you have gone too far. You're in Heaton Mersey - or is it Heaton Norris? And if you took a left into Green Lane, it's not long before you hit the border in that direction too.

Maybe you would have better luck heading off down Mauldeth Road - one of the many local roads which is confusingly twinned with roads of the same name just across Kingsway? But no - afore too long you are back in Heaton Mersey, despite the grandeur of the properties. And of course unless you slam the brakes on, you'll soon be cross the real border and end up in the badlands of Burnage.

So where does Heaton Moor begin and end? I think a local historian with strong topographical leanings is required. Any offers?

Restaurants on the Moor

Bon viveur Bill Jones reports on Heaton Moor's eateries, wine bars, and smooth locations. He's put a lot of time and waist-expanding effort into these researches, so take note if you want a good night out.

Avanti
Well located on the corner of Green Lane and Moorside Road. It offers more room than the cramped Valentinos. Opened about two months ago and ever since has been busy whenever I've walked past it. The food is good quality, cheap and cheerful Italian - pastas, pizzas, pollo this, pollo that - and generally good value for money. The service is quick and very friendly - a big plus for the Moor where service tends to be poor. In fact it's a virtual clone of the (now) rival from which it originated. Overall rating: a good 7.

The Bakery
This one of the better eating places on the Moor in that it's quite comfortable (ambiance 7/10), the food is well above average (8/10) but the service is poor (4/10). On occasions, I have had to wait an age for each course and once had to forego my sweet as a waiter had just cut off his finger. Modern interior design, but tiled floor pumps up all noise to ear-splitting level. [Corner of Shaw Road and Heaton Moor Road]

Heatons Tandoori
Amazingly good value fill-your-boots Indian restaurant. Prices low, service good, no frills, and popular from tea-time onwards. Clientele young families and young men with no jackets taking their girl fiends out for the night. If you sign the guest book, the management will send you a Christmas card - forever. (7/10) [Shaw Road]

Valentino's
The completely average, standard, cheap-and-cheerful Italian restaurant. Not a single surprise on the menu - but good value if you want to get round the wife after an argument. This place has survived whilst others have come and gone, so they must be doing something right. But what it is, I do not know. (6/10) [Heaton Moor Road]

Room 311
This place seeks to fulfill a slightly more upmarket niche than, for example Valentinos. Beers and spirits are consequently overpriced, though wines less so. The price factor does not deter large groups of drinkers from crowding the open-air tables and chairs in summer. Food good - tuna steaks, stuffed chicken breasts - and the chips are virtually irrestistible. Good value for money. Service generally welcoming though can be unpredictably tardy. 7.5/10 overall. [Near Savoy]

Pubs on the Moor

Heaton Moor appears to be well-blessed in terms of its pubs, but visits to them are likely to prove that they are not as varied as their appearance might suggest. The following are in descending order of desirability.

The Nursery
A regular award-winner in CAMERA's 'Pub of the Month' competition. The main feature is a comfortable wood-panelled lounge. Relaxed on opening hours. Food well-rated. Clientele completely divided between darts players in the Smoke Room and mature conversationalists in the Lounge. Recommended. [Green Lane]

The Griffin
The most attractive features here are the stunning Victorian curved etched-glass bar and a selection of comfortable side rooms. Clientele divided between Manchester City supporters and taxi-cab drivers. Killer feature - beer at less than £1.50 a pint. Beware of the landlady. [Didsbury Road]

The Moor Top
The traditional pub sign shows a shepherd with crook and (rather bizaarely) three-piece suit, plus his trusty collie waiting to round up sheep. Inside, the ambiance is wide-screen Sky TV, with In-ger-lund buntings throughout the year. Clientele: OAPs at lunch time, and Youf the rest of the day, with baseball cap, tatoos, and the white Ford escort in the car park. Beer - over-priced rubbish. Oh - one plus. There's free broadband access if you need it. [Heaton Moor Road]

The Crown
Quaint traditional Robinson's pub situated in conservation area of Heaton Mersey. Country-style low ceilings, snugs, and olde-worlde furnishings. Comfortable, but suffers from a culture of militant Nationalist ambiance which seems to persist (rather like the Royal Oak in Didsbury) from previous eras. Handy for recently-notorious dogging spot in local car park. [Didsbury Road]