On the Moor

Local Litter

2007-10-20T15:55:00.000Z

I'm returning to one of my favourite soap-box issues: our national tendency to sully our land with piles of litter. And I have three pictures to illustrate my theme.

1. Picture One is taken on Green Lane close to my home. I have lobbied my councillors, my council officers, and sent letters to the local press but still the single litter bin on this much used road - not least by kids en route to school - remains unemptied for days at a time. In front of it you see the three bags of litter collected by myself and my partner along a mere 150 metres of the road. Yet our local council has the temerity to publish self congratulatory articles in the Civic Review about how it has achieved such high rating assessments and how much extra cash they have received for cleaning up the town. (Some evidence would make a nice change). It remains the most disgracefully dirty town I have ever seen.

2. Picture Two is of a recycling unit in Bavaria, Germany, where people can leave most material free of charge but have to pay to leave certain hard to dispose of items. Householders choose to have large, medium or small rubbish bins according to how much rubbish they produce and how much they recycle. It works (see below) Why don't we adopt a similar system over here?

3. Picture Three is of the square in Kaufbeuren, an hour south-west of Munich. It offers no sign of any litter, even the occasional sweet wrapper, though I did find a few dog ends lurking between the cobblestones. If the Germans can keep their towns so pristine and sparkling, why can't we for God's sake?

I'm fairly sure my Victor Meldrew rantings are echoed in towns and cities all over the nation. One opinion poll in Southall recently revealed litter as the number one source of complaint. Once an area becomes knee deep in detritus, people stop treating it with respect and subtle deterioration is set in train. It makes me feel weak with frustration and irritation that nothing is done about it, either locally or nationally.

You are now entering Badlands!

2007-10-07T15:55:00.001Z

A high speed police car chase resulted in a very bad accident at 23.45 on Monday night 1 October 2007 at the junction of Mauldeth Road and Clifton Road in Heaton Moor (location postcode SK4 4BU). The car being pursued crashed into the perimeter wall and iron railings of the property at Westleigh, causing considerable damage and blocking the pavement. The police informed the Council, but so far nothing has been done to either protect or isolate the area. Two or three plastic objects have been placed amongst the rubble, but these have no effect whatsoever.

Accidents of this kind (many caused for the same reasons) are quite frequent at this location. Requests have been made to the Council for some form of protective barriers - but have so far been ignored or refused.

Amazingly enough, although the car was a write-off, the driver survived - and managed to escape, despite the police helicopter, which kept the rest of us awake.

Polish Deli?

2007-08-09T17:33:00.000Z

Anyone catching sight of the Pokusevski's Delicatessen on Shaw Rd in Heaton Moor might assume that it is a Polish Deli. However, upon entering they might be slightly disappointed not to find such specialities as kazsa. barszcz, orzcrek, bigos or chlodnik. (Yes, you're right, I looked them up in wkipedia). Indeed, the boards of goods on sale do not include one item that I would say was quintessentially Polish. Even the youngish dark haired owner turns out to have been born in Bosnia from where he came to complete a doctorate at UMIST. From there he worked in the aricraft industry for a while but the family tradition of restauranteering caught up with him in the end and he opened the deli. He expplained, almost apologetically I thought, that his gandfather was from the Ukraine - well,that's near enough to Poland I suppose.

Such calculations seem irrelevant once you enter the shop, however, as it is resplendently well stocked with all the standard deli fare of cheeses, cold meats, dips, pies and quiches and all the rest you might expect. But the real delight of the place is the area out back where you can enjoy a marvellous cup of coffee and a good range of sandwiches, pannini and other soups, snacks and drinks. And all at very reasonable prices. It's been here a year and this was the first time I'd tried it. It won't be the last.

Business on the Moor

2007-07-09T17:41:00.000Z

Heaton Moor is a rich middle-class suburb offering golden opportunities to would-be entrepreneurs. But to be successful you need to understand the prevailing ethos of commerce in the area. These are just a few tips to help those ready to make an investment and reap the rewards.

If you are starting up a new business, it's best to make a close study of those already operating. One glance at trade along Heaton Moor Road should tell you that unless you're in a position to start a new charity shop or an estate agency, you should strongly consider opening a hairdressing salon or a nail shop. There's just no end to the demand for these services. You could also go for a wine bar, or an Asiatic takeout.

Staffing should present no difficulty. After all, there are several schools nearby - so you can recruit fourth-formers in the holidays. They will gladly accept the minimum wage or below. If they give any trouble, a brisk staff turnover keeps everybody on their toes. Training is not really worth the investment, so there's another saving. Alternatively, use relatives such as your aunt or mother-in-law: they will have local knowledge and be able to relay gossip.

All modern business practice theories tell us that the secret of success is to keep as small a stock inventory as possible. Don't worry if you don't have what customers require: they will be happy to wait ten or fourteen days for their order to come through. Alternatively, when a customer asks for something, tell them there's no demand for it.

Opening hours. This is another excellent way to keep costs down. Make sure you close at 5.00 pm promptly in the afternoon. After all - nobody expects shops to be open after that time. Enjoy well-deserved half-day closing on both Wednesday and Saturday, and make sure you close completely for two weeks annual holiday.

Given the uncertain business climate, there is no point investing in elaborate shop fittings. Use self-adhesive plastic Fablon to give your shelving a 'contemporary' feel, and a lick of paint every decade should otherwise do the trick nicely.

Stockport Plaza - An Interwar Night Out

2007-04-21T15:42:00.001Z

To The Stockport Plaza Friday evening to see Miss Potter, the story of Beatrix, of Peter Rabbit fame. The Plaza was built, in striking art deco style, in 1932, to help Stockportians take their minds off the depression, so the notes say on the display in the faded (though once sumptuous) lounge where we sipped our aperitifs before taking our seats in the circle. We are told the cinema drew in crowds from miles around to enjoy the comfort of this up-market facility together with its Compton theatre organ but sometime in the seventies takings fell so low it degenerated into a bingo hall. Eventually a charitable trust stepped in and with a half million pounds grant from the council and the help of a body of dedicated volunteers it was restored and now offers selected films, sometimes musicals from the thirties, sometimes more modern fare.

But the purpose of the present day Plaza is as much to offer a step back in time as anything else. We just missed the Compton emerging up through its hatch in the floor in front of the screen but were happy to be serenaded by hit songs from musicals from the thirties’, forties and fifties. After many crescendos and flourishes the bald pate of the organ player sunk back into the bowels of the cinema to warm applause, and the intermission began. This was the occasion for the usherettes, in period attire, to offer us Lyons Maids and tubs of ice-cream. Just as in days gone by, no doubt, the queues stretched back to the projector box.

Then came the Pathe News films, from 1951 and another from the early ‘sixties, complete with Bob Danvers Walker’s strident tones, making every item sound like a wartime triumph and causing every attempt at humour to fall resoundingly flat. We saw Vera Allen, a petit, long forgotten Hollywood starlet pouting at the camera in a publicity shoot and an item on George who had been bottling wine out of oak barrels for 30 years (‘what a lucky fellow!’) Then the main film arrived- a not especially memorable piece of family fare starring Renee Zellwegger and Ewan McGregor (no relation to Peter Rabbit’s infamous adversary). But, with nostalgia the prescribed mood, everyone basked in its inoffensive charm, period detail and gorgeous footage of the Lake District.

We stayed on as the credits rolled up expecting to join everyone in the traditional stand-up for the national anthem. But credits for the mini-bus driver for the Isle of Man film unit and Miss Zellwegger’s catering assistant(an acting coach might have been preferable) came and went and still those familiar quavering yet elephantine tones failed to issue forth. But we refused to be disappointed and departed this temple to interwar entertainment, well satisfied with our brief journey into the past. The same could be said, I’d wager, for the goodish crowd of fellow nostalgia seekers, mostly of an age to have savoured the experience in the original, but leavened by more than a few teenagers and younger ones to suggest such evenings will not surrender to bingo or its equivalent for a while at least.

Local writers - Bill Jones

2007-03-14T12:13:00.000Z

What's the potted biography?
I was born in the Welsh borderlands and grew up in Shrewsbury. After graduating from Aberystwyth University I got a job at Manchester University. I became Director of Extra-Mural Studies 1986-91 but then had a stroke whilst out jogging. I retired on medical grounds but I still teach part-time at the university and write a number of reasonably successful books on British politics. I also write a blog on the same subject at Skipper.

Why live in Heaton Moor?
I've lived in Heaton Moor since 1979 after divorcing. Back then, it was part of a new beginning for me. First I lived in Moorside Road for two years, then in Parsonage Road for 20 years, and latterly in Mount Road, Heaton Norris, close to the Nursery pub. I think this is a good place to live.

What's good about the Moor?
I like the Edwardian architecture. I used to live in such a house in Parsonage Rd - where developers have allowed it to survive amoung those newbuild 'luxury apartments' of every kind. I also like the greenery and the pubs - especially The Nursery - and the people who are for the most part very friendly and fun to live with.

Any dislikes?
I'm furious about lots of things but top of my list is the extent to which Heaton Moor is litter strewn and marred by chewing gum on the pavements. That's my Victor Meldrew moment over.

What are your current projects?
At the moment I'm writing a new kind of textbook on British politics and trying to develop some creative writing of various kinds. I also do occasional broadcasting - like today on Radio Manchester!

Culture on the Moor

2007-03-13T12:00:00.000Z

Perambulating the Moor Top area recently (as is my wont) I spotted that Room 101 (known to its owners as Room 311) has a music night. Featuring no less than local Mr Funk, Stevie Williams. This guy is terrific - so much so that I'm soon going to attempt an interview for these very pages. Oh, and I've also uncovered three more local writers - so stand by for a strong cultural blast in the coming days. You've never had it so good.

Local Heroes - Stanley Morison

2007-02-20T14:30:00.000Z

Stanley Morison (1889-1967) was an English typographer, designer and historian of printing. He was actually born in Essex, but his connection with this area comes from the period in 1921-1923 when he was typographist to the Cloister Press on Didsbury Road (which has now transferred to Bredbury).

Self-taught, having left school after his father abandoned his family, Morison became an editorial assistant on Imprint magazine in 1913. As a conscientious objector he was imprisoned during the First World War but became design supervisor at the Pelican Press in 1918.

In 1922 he founded the Fleuron Society dedicated to typographical matters (a fleuron being a typographic flower or ornament). He edited the society's journal The Fleuron from 1925 to 1930. The quality of the publication's artwork and printing was considered exceptional.

From 1923 to 1967 Morison was typographic consultant for the Monotype Corporation where his research and adaptation of historic typefaces in the 1920s and 1930s, including the revival of the Baskerville and Bembo types. He pioneered the great expansion of the company's range of typefaces and hugely influenced the field of typography to the present day.

Morison was also typographical consultant to The Times newspaper from 1929 to 1960 and in 1931 he was commissioned by the newspaper to produce a new easy to read typeface for the publication. The typeface Morison developed with graphic artist Victor Lardent, Times New Roman was first used by the newspaper in 1932 and was published by Monotype in 1933.

Morison edited the History of the Times from 1935 to 1952 and was editor of the Times Literary Supplement between 1945 and 1948. He was a member of the editorial board of Encyclopædia Britannica from 1961 until his death.

more on TYPOGRAPHY here

Save our Savoy?

2007-02-16T18:29:00.000Z

We are fortunate indeed to have one of the last small local independent cinemas on our doorstep. The Savoy is convenient, comfortable, and amazingly cheap. The only problem is that nobody goes to it. Last time I was in there, the audience total could be counted on my one hand which wasn't holding the ice cream. So, the poor woman who runs the place is operating at a loss: hence the myth that it's being run as a front for money-laundering. But now she's called local bluff and put it up for grabs - and beer-saloon giant the Barracuda group are applying to take over the site. Queue public outcry - of the kind which went up when Tesco established its foothold. We don't want it. We don't need it. And it shouldn't be allowed anyway. So goes the argument. These are the same people who rent DVDs twice a week, but suddenly they are simultaneously dewy-eyed and hot under the collar about a cinema they don't go to. Are we to have another derelict building gracing the main road, or more brushed aluminium 'continental' tables spread invitingly across the pavement? Watch this space.

Ward off the wardens

2007-02-15T13:23:00.000Z

Feeling as jolly as Mrs Tiggywinkle, and twice as pretty, I blinked in the early morning sunlight, sensing spring in the air when ..... Could this be all a dream? Was this Heaton Moor? Or had I been transported to some country bearing the prefix 'former'. Had this become ' The Former Heaton Moor'? Believe me when I tell you that no fewer than three uniformed officers, huge and fearsome-looking, were patroling fifty yards of Heaton Moor Road! I was scared! Military style hats, luminous jackets, size fifty two across the chest and stiff as contiboard, jack-boots - and expressions that would curdle the cream in Backs Deli!

I decided not to take to the bushes but to appear nonchalant. After all, I'd parked at Nat West and they couldn't enter that hallowed ground, could they? Or, could they? They might report me to Nat West for going for a pound of sausages while my car in all it's red sports coupee splendour sat in their poxy car park! I had an alibi! I'd been to the cash-point and printed out a quick statement.That made it all legal didn't it?

I darted into the Health Centre as one of these officers goose-stepped around a black Mercedes parked at the kerb. Should I dash into the waiting room and shout 'They're here! Get to your car while I keep your seat in here!'? Thinks 'You'll be at least another forty minutes and that's if you do manage to decipher your name from the PA system that sounds like the first moments of a bagpipe tune-up'.

Then I realised why I shouldn't do anything. Only doctors, funeral directors and financial advisers would have a black Merk. That was ok. I crept back toward the Co-op and saw two more of these Nazi-looking despicable-seeming allegedly servants of the people, one on either side of the road. I wondered if they drank coffee, or ate doughnuts or spoke or breathed or did any bloody thing other than menace poor innocent project managers out for their morning shop.

Was I glad to get back to my unit, - I mean, apartment, and into the womb of my kitchen and to Woman's Hour. Thank God I was safe! They were playing I'm Not Gay but I Snog You All Day. Was this the 'Former Womans Hour?

Wish you were here?

2007-02-13T15:32:00.000Z

Is it worth living in Heaton Moor? Most emphatically - Yes! The national rail and motorway networks are on the doorstep, and we're fifteen minutes from an international airport. I can be in London in just over two hours, and Malaga in three. Is that enough? If you live in a small terraced house (such as bachelor's paradise in Mount Road) your investment of £120K two or three years ago is now coming up to £200K, And if you have one of the large Victorian houses with its original features, you could be looking at £750. Meanwhile the price of luxury flats has actually been depressed because of speculative building. So in the prestige block where I live there are four two-bedroomed, two-bathroomed apartments for sale at the moment in the £200K-plus bracket. Now is the time to pick up a bargain. And Tesco is open until 11.00pm.

Coffee on the Moor

2007-02-11T16:25:00.000Z

Wintry sunshine on a Sunday in February - bright enough to encourage a stroll, punctuated by coffee in one of the pavement bars. Goodness - it's just like being abroad, isn't it! Except that in most parts of Europe, when you go into a pavement bar, a waiter comes over, greets you, wipes down the table, and takes your order. Two minutes later, you're sipping your cafe latte or twirling the straw in your cocktail. In Heaton Moor, it's different. You sit down - carefully avoiding the chocolate sludge clotted over the table after the last customers - and then ... well, you wait. You wait five, or maybe ten minutes. You wonder if they've closed or there's a strike in the kitchen. And then just before you decide to move on, a sullen work-experience waitress appears and mumbles something you can't understand. No greeting. No welcome of any kind. But you are so relieved to be served at all, you order your coffee. Be prepared to spend a lot more time watching street life pass its merry course: youths dressed for summer staggering out of the Elizabethan, hailing taxis; young girls in pink shell suits and high heels clustering in the telephone booth; the Conservative club disgorging a motley group of daytime revellers. Eventually your coffee will appear - most of it in the cup if you're lucky, and thoughtfully pre-cooled. And here's where the only advantage of this experience comes in. Following this, you will be left undisturbed, for a long, long time.

Jazz on the Moor

2007-02-03T16:54:00.000Z

Well - would you believe it! There's now jazz on the Moor - in plural. The Blue Cat features rock bands, poetry readings, and even stand-up comedy, and occasionally something approaching jazz creeps into their repertoire. Now we're to be treated to a Thursday night offering at Town Bar, and George does allow the odd blues group into the sacred lounge of the Nursery. Our cup runneth over. Take care at the Blue Cat. This place serves very good but rather expensive imported beers, and the proprietor gets universally bad reviews if you look HERE.

Local writers - Joan Bakewell

2007-02-02T13:46:00.000Z

Yes - it's the thinking man's crumpet, as Frank Muir called her. Joan Bakewell was born in the very same leafy part of Heaton Moor (Hooley Range) as I am writing this. She went to Stockport Convent and then on to Newnham College, Cambridge, where she met another local celebrity, Brian Redhead, and her future husband, Michael Bakewell. Of course she is best known as a broadcast journalist and presenter, and she has the distinction of having been sacked as the arts correspondent for Newsnight by no less than John Birt himself. She has written four plays for radio and three books. Her autobiography, The Centre of the Bed describes at length her affair with Harold Pinter, while he was still married to the actress Vivien Merchant and she was still married to Michael Bakewell. She currently writes for The Independent.

Snacks on the Moor

2007-02-01T18:39:00.001Z

Blue Corn
This is the health food shop with a small cafe within, next door to Somerfield. It's run by Mahoud and his wife, both Azeri Iranians and both kind, gentle people. It took a while to catch on but now has a regular through-put of customers buying their meusli, nuts and organic fruit from there. I have to confess to having joined the group of senior citizens who partake of Mahood's pesto-and-cheese toasted sandwiches washed down by his excellent coffee. Like the rest of my fellow geriatric diners I try hard to remember to wear my woolly hat, scarf, and gloves and to declaim my order in a loud voice. Come and Join Us!

Local Writers - Phil Caveney

2007-01-29T18:04:00.000Z

I was taking my daily constitutional along Heaton Moor Road when I spotted Phil Caveney sitting in The Orangery sipping a coffee. Phil is one of the best known authors living on the Moor. I got to know him when I was a member of his Manchester Writers' Workshop which has met every Tuesday in Didsbury for the last twenty-seven years. His first novel, a thriller, did quite well and for a while he combined his day job as a copy writer for Great Universal Stores with turning out highly readable and page turning stories like Slayground, Burn Down Easy, TigerTiger and Skin Flicks. After twelve fairly successful books his publisher pulled the plug and for some six years he was still writing but with no regular publisher. During this period he tried net publishing - but this route is more hyped than well trodden and Love Bites did not sell that well.

During this period he presided every week at the Writers' Group, applying his keen sense of what works and what doesn't to the efforts of the regular participants. Four of the current members have contracts with publishers, which is an extraordinary testament to Phil's skills as an endlessly patient and encouraging teacher. It's a very heterogeneous group of embryonic authors - some might call them oddball outsiders. Maybe, in turn, it was this group which gave him back the thing which has recently fired up his career again. Some members began to write for a younger age group and Phil's recent book, aimed at the same audience, has proved a mega-hit.

Sebastian Darke came runner up in the recent Waterstone's Prize for Children's Fiction and some say he was unlucky not to carry off the main prize. And it's all because he kept writing and self-belief intact when his writing career bumped along the bottom for a few years. The new book has caused such a stir that translation deals have been signed and recently a Hollywood producer emailed Phil expressing interest in film rights to the book. So the sky - deservedly so - now seems to be the limit. Watch this space for updates on the progress of a genuinely talented local author.

Does Heaton Moor really exist?

2007-01-28T12:08:00.000Z

If you drive along the A6 and turn into Heaton Moor Road, you are still in Heaton Chapel. That's the address of the Royal Bank of Scotland, on the corner. Continue, and you pass the local benighted railway station - called Heaton Chapel so far as British Rail is concerned. Carry on, and you pass another bank on the right - Natwest, Heaton Chapel branch. In fact you can continue as far as the Reform Club and still be alongside somewhere with Heaton Chapel in its title.

By the time you reach Moorside Road, you have gone too far. You're in Heaton Mersey - or is it Heaton Norris? And if you took a left into Green Lane, it's not long before you hit the border in that direction too.

Maybe you would have better luck heading off down Mauldeth Road - one of the many local roads which is confusingly twinned with roads of the same name just across Kingsway? But no - afore too long you are back in Heaton Mersey, despite the grandeur of the properties. And of course unless you slam the brakes on, you'll soon be cross the real border and end up in the badlands of Burnage.

So where does Heaton Moor begin and end? I think a local historian with strong topographical leanings is required. Any offers?

Local Rubbish

2007-01-26T14:19:00.000Z

I’m now of an age when many, many things annoy me - but I’m sure that I’m not alone in feeling that Stockport is one of the dirtiest towns in the UK.

I am constantly appalled by Wellington Rd as I walk into the town. The litter starts by the church spire and gets worse so that the area just before Debenhams is chockablock with fast food wrappers, plastic containers, and sundry items.

On a Sunday morning the bus shelters at the bottom of the hill are awash with detritus, but at least there are some bins to overflow whilst further up the hill there are not.

Just how bad the problem is can be seen when one goes abroad to Germany, France or Spain. The latter two countries have been traditionally perceived by Brits as on the dirty side. Not any more. Both Spain and France provide a model for how litter can be kept under control even in a very built up area. The streets are not just tidied up, they are also washed down with water. It’s embarrassing to show guests around from other countries. I try to avoid the ‘grot spots’ which disfigure our otherwise quite nice northern town.

So I was a little surprised to see in The Civic Review, the regular news sheet from the council, that the number one priority of the ‘Cleaner, Greener, Safer, Stronger’ council is a ‘Cleaner Stockport’.

I have lobbied my councilors - nice public spirited people - to put pressure on the council for months now. But the ‘grot spots’ persist and offer a reproach to the stated aims of our elected officials. What does one have to do to poke them into some kind of action?

The Looney Council

2007-01-25T16:38:00.000Z

One of the things that sends me into a civic rage is the visual pollution of our streets and highways by the absurd decisions of local council planning departments. Number one is meaningless road markings - such as those politically correct but completely useless cycle paths which go nowhere and no sane cyclist would use. Or how about those huge white stripes to indicate bus lanes which are only operational for a short while in the rush hour. [And since almost all bus companies are now completely commercial, why should they be given any priorities?] Another which I am going to start photographing is the sprouting of income-generating commercial advertising on roundabouts, adding to the visual clutter the motorist has to decipher.

In Heaton Moor I boggle and fume each morning when I walk across the completely meaningless red ochre box painted onto the road just before the Savoy (outside the electricity sub-station). It includes inward-facing chevrons, now rapidly fading with abrasion. Do you know what it is for? No - and neither did the contractors who painted it there - because I asked them.

Restaurants on the Moor

2007-01-20T22:15:00.000Z

Bon viveur Bill Jones reports on Heaton Moor's eateries, wine bars, and smooth locations. He's put a lot of time and waist-expanding effort into these researches, so take note if you want a good night out.

Avanti
Well located on the corner of Green Lane and Moorside Road. It offers more room than the cramped Valentinos. Opened about two months ago and ever since has been busy whenever I've walked past it. The food is good quality, cheap and cheerful Italian - pastas, pizzas, pollo this, pollo that - and generally good value for money. The service is quick and very friendly - a big plus for the Moor where service tends to be poor. In fact it's a virtual clone of the (now) rival from which it originated. Overall rating: a good 7.

The Bakery
This one of the better eating places on the Moor in that it's quite comfortable (ambiance 7/10), the food is well above average (8/10) but the service is poor (4/10). On occasions, I have had to wait an age for each course and once had to forego my sweet as a waiter had just cut off his finger. Modern interior design, but tiled floor pumps up all noise to ear-splitting level. [Corner of Shaw Road and Heaton Moor Road]

Heatons Tandoori
Amazingly good value fill-your-boots Indian restaurant. Prices low, service good, no frills, and popular from tea-time onwards. Clientele young families and young men with no jackets taking their girl fiends out for the night. If you sign the guest book, the management will send you a Christmas card - forever. (7/10) [Shaw Road]

Valentino's
The completely average, standard, cheap-and-cheerful Italian restaurant. Not a single surprise on the menu - but good value if you want to get round the wife after an argument. This place has survived whilst others have come and gone, so they must be doing something right. But what it is, I do not know. (6/10) [Heaton Moor Road]

Room 311
This place seeks to fulfill a slightly more upmarket niche than, for example Valentinos. Beers and spirits are consequently overpriced, though wines less so. The price factor does not deter large groups of drinkers from crowding the open-air tables and chairs in summer. Food good - tuna steaks, stuffed chicken breasts - and the chips are virtually irrestistible. Good value for money. Service generally welcoming though can be unpredictably tardy. 7.5/10 overall. [Near Savoy]

Pubs on the Moor

2007-01-18T18:15:00.000Z

Heaton Moor appears to be well-blessed in terms of its pubs, but visits to them are likely to prove that they are not as varied as their appearance might suggest. The following are in descending order of desirability.

The Nursery
A regular award-winner in CAMERA's 'Pub of the Month' competition. The main feature is a comfortable wood-panelled lounge. Relaxed on opening hours. Food well-rated. Clientele completely divided between darts players in the Smoke Room and mature conversationalists in the Lounge. Recommended. [Green Lane]

The Griffin
The most attractive features here are the stunning Victorian curved etched-glass bar and a selection of comfortable side rooms. Clientele divided between Manchester City supporters and taxi-cab drivers. Killer feature - beer at less than £1.50 a pint. Beware of the landlady. [Didsbury Road]

The Moor Top
The traditional pub sign shows a shepherd with crook and (rather bizaarely) three-piece suit, plus his trusty collie waiting to round up sheep. Inside, the ambiance is wide-screen Sky TV, with In-ger-lund buntings throughout the year. Clientele: OAPs at lunch time, and Youf the rest of the day, with baseball cap, tatoos, and the white Ford escort in the car park. Beer - over-priced rubbish. Oh - one plus. There's free broadband access if you need it. [Heaton Moor Road]

The Crown
Quaint traditional Robinson's pub situated in conservation area of Heaton Mersey. Country-style low ceilings, snugs, and olde-worlde furnishings. Comfortable, but suffers from a culture of militant Nationalist ambiance which seems to persist (rather like the Royal Oak in Didsbury) from previous eras. Handy for recently-notorious dogging spot in local car park. [Didsbury Road]